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Good Morning Tom, Sybil, and Jay.

Tom and Jay… it’s that time again… That’s right, guys… our favorite time of the year….

As you know, Valentine’s Day is just around the corner…

…that time of year when marriage proposals are abundant, when love fills the air, and when the flower and candy industries get paid….

It’s also the time of year in which relationships – good or bad – are highlighted … A boon to those enjoying a new love or a solid relationship, but a bust for those couples or former couples going through a separation or a messy break-up…

In fact, Sybil, we’ve seen quite a bit of this recently with the high profile coverage of break ups involving the likes of actress Halle Berry, the NBA star Tony Parker, and a certain radio show host of another show…  (But I’m going to leave THAT alone).

The truth is, Tom that unfortunately, things do fall apart sometimes… and I’ve often wondered why they do…

I wonder how the fairy tale turns into the nightmare… especially given the fact that, when relationships are exciting and new, two people are so in love that you can’t even begin to imagine them apart…

Well, I was doing some research the other day and found that, believe it or not, there’s actually some science behind it…

Part of the initial stage of love or what we refer to as “new love” is actually heavily influenced by a chemical reaction where the body begins to produce a feel-good, adrenaline-like chemical that literally floods the brain with feelings of euphoria and has its unwitting subjects “floating on air…”

In this early stage, love, as they say, is often “blind” because of this and many feel as if their new partner can do no wrong…

These euphoric feelings are believed to last anywhere between 3 months to two years…

But of course, all good things must come to an end, and so this chemical reaction will certainly run its course.  Bringing us to the next stage – staying in love – where you may start telling yourself, “The thrill is gone…”

Here is where we start to see the pitfalls and challenges that lead far too many couples – especially in Hollywood – to Divorce Court.

But relationships do not HAVE to end here. Once the newness wears off we enter into the most critical phase of a relationship because its two participants now have to see each other in their true nature without the blinders on…

And what many couples don’t realize is that this new stage provides an opportunity for something even more special and lasting if both individuals choose to look at it this way….

In fact, Sybil, what this research shows is at this point in the relationship couples actually begin to produce endorphins – morphine-like opiates that have a calming and reassuring effect on us, in contrast to that “new-love” adrenaline that made us fly high.

So you see, the longer couples stay together, the more life experiences they have, the endorphins increase and chemically, they become closer and more likely to actually stay together.

So let me take a minute to give you all 3 quick tips to help you ride out those bumpy times in the relationship:

FIRST: remember that love is a verb.  Too often we treat love like it’s a noun, a feeling or a one-time event.  But in actuality, it’s a verb.  To love requires action – and no Jay not what you’re thinking – but actually demonstrating by your behavior everyday that you are actively loving your significant other.

SECOND: think big picture.  Some people think they are always right and want to win every argument.  And even if you’re right regarding a particular situation, how much does it really matter over the entire span of your relationship? Remember to breathe and think about your relationships in the long term. And as they say, “don’t sweat the small stuff.”

AND FINALLY: And I have said this before, but it bears repeating: take time for each other.  For those of you with children, plan a regular date night.  For all couples, plan to get away from the stresses of everyday life.  Remember why you fell in love….Sometimes there’s so much clutter in our everyday lives that we can’t see ourselves or each other for who we really are.

So I’ll leave you all… and I’m happy to say that “you all” now includes the Big Apple – Hello New York – with the optimistic and poignant words of the incomparable songstress Regina Belle…

“When it’s all tired and worn, and the newness all wears off…

We’ll still be lovers…

Long after the love has lost its shine.”

Happy Valentine’s Day, I Love you New York!  And…

…until Next Time, this is Stephanie in Love and Hope.

admin Holiday

Good Morning Tom, Sybil, and Jay!

We have a holiday coming up this weekend, guys… Happy Father’s Day Tom and Jay!

I hope you guys have a wonderful day…

And remember, we’ve got a twofer this weekend…

That’s right, this weekend we also celebrate Juneteenth, the day 145 years ago when word finally made its way all the way down to Texas that slavery was no longer the law of the land…

It was on June 19th1865 that Union soldiers finally arrived at Galveston, Texas with news that the Civil War had ended and that enslaved Africans in the region were free…

This was a full two and a half years after President Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation, which had little impact on Texas because there were no Union troops in the area to enforce the measure until the 1865 surrender of the Confederacy…

Yep, black folks down there got the word real late…

So it could be said, Sybil, that Juneteenth is the only holiday that officially celebrates CP time…

Better late than never, right…?

But I want to put something in perspective today… Think about this for a moment…

Way back in the 19th Century –before Juneteenth– down in Texas, people of color were stopped when traveling away from the plantation and told to produce their papers showing that they’d been given permission to move about…

Even if they had the correct papers, they were commonly harassed by authorities…

Sadly, here in the year 2010 –in so-called ‘post racial America’– the state of Texas is currently considering following Arizona’s lead and introducing legislation to allow Texas authorities to once again, stop, potentially harass, and ask people of color for their papers…

Talk about back to the future, Jay…

…and speaking of going back, Tom, as I said before those of us who think these disturbing legal measures don’t pertain to us as black folks best think again…

First off, a substantial number of Latinos are black… the term Latino does not refer to a racial category… Latinos, of course, can be both black and white and a whole lot are black…

Second, when has racial profiling not affected us? How many of you really believe that cops with bad intentions are going to try and decipher a difference between black and brown before demanding our papers or harassing us…?

And, most importantly, why would anyone feel it is actually okay to legalize –a century and a half after the end of slavery—a process by which people of color on the streets of our nation could be stopped and asked for their papers…???

Please, stop the madness… No matter how you feel about immigration, this is definitely not the right answer… In fact, it is a serious threat to all Americans and our civil liberties…

So as we celebrate the spirit of Juneteenth and the belated emancipation of those deep in the South 145 years ago, let’s make sure we are not guilty today as people of color of throwing ourselves back to a time where folks could stop us and ask us for our papers…

Because the line between freedom and security is about as thin as the line between black and brown…

Paper thin…

You can go to the website of the Leadership Conference on Civil Rights at  “http://www.civilrights.org” and find out more about promoting a more equitable policy of immigration reform for our nation.

And this weekend, as you pay tribute to the concept of freedom, keep this World War II-era quote attributed to a German pastor in mind:

“THEY CAME FIRST for the Communists,
and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Communist.

THEN THEY CAME for the trade unionists,
and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a trade unionist.

THEN THEY CAME for the Jews,
and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Jew.

THEN THEY CAME for me,
and, by that time, no one was left to speak up.”

Until Next Time, this is Stephanie in Love and Hope.

admin Holiday