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Tom, picture this for a second… what if government officials burst into our annual Tom Joyner Black Family Reunion, grabbed all of the children who were extremely overweight, confiscated their Twinkies, Pork Rinds and Red Kool-Aid, and hauled them off to foster care…?

Sound crazy…?  Not really… some of you may have heard the recent news about the possibility of government agencies stepping in to take extremely overweight children away from their parents…

Yep, a recent article on MSNBC entitled Should parents lose custody of super obese kids? talks about how a growing number of folks, including some established doctors, say putting children temporarily in foster care can be more ethical than having them subjected to obesity surgery…

…in other words, they’re arguing that the government should be allowed to remove obese children from their homes…

I don’t know about this, guys… any time you talk about the state taking children from homes, it is a serious issue… especially in our community where we are already justifiably concerned about efforts to break up the black family…

Still, the discussion does raise some interesting questions, like, Who is ultimately responsible for the eating habits and related health of overweight children? And, If the parents are held liable or accountable, what type of measures or actions are appropriate?

Well, let’s first look at the scale of the problem in our community… roughly a quarter of African American children and adolescents in the United States between 6 and 17 have been identified as overweight… and unfortunately, poor dietary practices and health habits are often passed down from generation to generation…

…and this can lead to type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, high levels of blood fats and high cholesterol which, in turn, are all risk factors for heart disease and stroke, much more common in our community…

…and such obesity-related diseases have some doctors promoting weight-loss surgery for severely obese teens while others feel state intervention is necessary…

One doctor had a 90-pound, 3-year-old girl brought into his clinic briefly only to return at age 12, weighing 400 pounds and suffering from diabetes, high blood pressure and sleep apnea… Her parents were poor, had physical disabilities, and obvious difficulty controlling her weight…

The girl was removed from the home and placed in foster care where she received three balanced meals a day and moderate physical activity… After a year, though still obese, she lost 130 pounds and her diabetes and apnea disappeared…

Now, for me, it still doesn’t quite justify taking children from their homes… obviously the parents were dealing with some serious issues themselves and could have likely used some help and education on how to take care of their daughter…

I mean, couldn’t the same or less money be spent by the state to have someone counsel or assist the family in nutrition a few times a week at home as opposed to the amount spent on keeping her in foster care…? You think?

Okay, enough said. Time for you to weigh in and let us know what you think about this – shall we say – weighty issue… Text us here at 64-64-64 and tell us if you believe that: 1) super obese children should be taken from their parents; or 2) the children should stay, but with mandatory family nutrition counseling; or 3) the parents should be punished by locking them in a room for 24 hours with a large screen TV with surround-sound looping last week’s Republican presidential debate; or 4) tell us your own idea on how to best handle super-obese children…

Think about it… imagine these are your children or relatives…We want to hear from you…

I’ll close with this Lee Haney quote:

“More than ever, we as parents and a nation must do something about the growth of obesity in our children. We must do more than just talk, we must be concerned enough to act.”

Until Next Time, this is Stephanie in Love and Hope.

admin Children, Parenting Obesity

So guys, the word sex has been getting tossed around a lot in the media over the past few weeks.  And, not in a good way because it has been accompanied by the words harassment and abuse…

Of course, there are the recent allegations against presidential candidate Herman Cain…

… but even worse are the unfolding events at Penn State, where college football icon, Joe Paterno, was recently fired after 46 years of coaching …

You know, Tom, over the past three years on the Tom Joyner Morning Show, I’ve talked about a wide variety of subjects…and some of them have been very difficult …

But one of the most difficult topics for me to talk about is the sexual abuse of a child… the allegation that an adult would violate the innocence of a child in that way is sick and disgusting…

…and yes, although Coach Paterno apparently didn’t break any laws and did the minimum required in reporting the abuse, he should still be held fully accountable for not doing more to protect and advocate for that particular child, as well as for all of the past and potential young victims of Sandusky…

…and his conscience should haunt him for the remainder of his days for not doing so…

But, that said, I also want us to recognize that, while this particular case is now in the public eye, what about the countless other incidents involving the sexual abuse of minors that occur each and every day in this country and go unreported? Who is speaking up for these children…?

It is commonly known among health professionals that sexual abuse often has long term and devastating effects on the victim, including a loss of trust, poor self esteem, feelings of shame, guilt and depression, substance abuse, suicide, promiscuity, anxiety, and criminality…

A National Institute of Justice study found that childhood abuse increased the odds of future delinquency and criminality by 40%… In addition, victims of child sexual abuse are 27 times more likely to be arrested for prostitution as adults…

So if nothing is done about it, this horrific cycle continues with the very real possibility of those being abused becoming abusers or criminals themselves… To learn more about child sexual abuse and how to prevent it and break this cycle, you can go to stopitnow.org…

Now, I’m sure many of you remember the powerful movie directed by Denzel Washington awhile back named Antwone Fisher, in which the movie’s namesake was victimized by sexual abuse as a young boy…

Well, I’d like to close this week with an excerpt from the poem Fisher wrote that, speaks of the suffering, pain, and stigma of lost innocence, of stolen childhoods, as a result of the sexual abuse of children across the world…

Who will cry for the little boy?
Lost and all alone
Who will cry for the little boy?
Abandoned without his own

Who will cry for the little boy?
He cried himself to sleep
Who will cry for the little boy?
He never had for keeps…

Who will cry for the little boy?
Who knows well hurt and pain
Who will cry for the little boy?
He died again and again.

Who will cry for the little boy?
A good boy he tried to be
Who will cry for the little boy
who cries inside of me.

Until Next Time, this is Stephanie in Love and Hope.

admin Abuse, Children, Events, Media Antwone Fisher, Harassment, Joe Paterno, Penn State, Sandusky, Sex, Sexual Abuse

So Tom, there is a story out of Chicago where a football coach was arrested for allegedly arranging the beating of a student who had been accused of stealing a pair of flip flops…

The coach at Fenger High School turned himself in to police and was charged with assault after bringing more than 20 students to the home of 16-year old Darion Jones, where they violently beat him in front of his mother while an asst. coach stood by and watched…

Among his injuries, Jones sustained damage to his prosthetic eye and had a tooth knocked out…

I bring this incident up today, not only because it is so horrible, but also because as many of you may recall Fenger High was in the news two years ago for another tragic beating…

Yes, this is the same Fenger High School attended by the late Derrion Albert where, in September of 2009, the brutal killing of this 16-year-old was caught on video as he was beaten, kicked and smacked with railroad ties about a half-mile from the school…

Albert was an innocent honor student caught in a conflict between two rival neighborhood factions who would bully, harass and target students as they walked to and from Fenger High…

I also bring these incidents up today, because October is Bullying Prevention Awareness Month… There are a number of events that have been going on this month as part of the national discussion on bullying…

As you know, bullying can come in many forms: verbal, physical, or even via the Internet… It affects the victim’s self-image, relationships, health, and even their school performance; dropout rates and absences among victims of bullying are much higher than among other students…

…and the bullies themselves can also be negatively impacted… Studies show that children identified as bullies by age eight are six times more likely to have a criminal conviction by age 24; and they are more prone to becoming child and spouse abusers later in life….

You can get more info on bullying and how to prevent it in your community, by going online to the National Child Traumatic Stress Network at nctsn.org and click on the Bullying Prevention Awareness Month tag…

A good amount of press has been devoted to the issue of bullying …

A recent article in particular, written by a brother who writes for the NY Times, Charles M. Blow, powerfully personalizes the terror of bullying…

Blow tells how he considered taking his own life outside of a skating rink when he was eight years old… He’d been the victim of ongoing bullying and was suffering from associated headaches, and was standing outside of the rink with a bottle of aspirin debating whether to take two for the headache or swallow the entire bottle…

He writes poignantly about how his mother used to love to sing and how he recalled her voice and her songs at the moment he would have taken his life, and how her gift of song saved him…

He writes about how his mother’s singing would lull him to sleep during those difficult times, times he never told her about, as he penned these words:

“Bullying isn’t just a harmless game. It can be a deadly one, and we need to be reminded of that constantly. You never know how your words are affecting another person. Sometimes they don’t tell. I never told.

Like many children, I suffered in silence. I never even told my mother, and I am only here to share my gift with you because she coaxed me to sleep with a gift she didn’t believe she had.

So, Mama, when you read this, I want you to sing.”

Until Next Time, this is Stephanie in Love and Hope.

admin Children Bullying, Bullying Prevention Awareness Month, Fenger High School

Tom, last week I talked about how in this struggling economy, people need to focus on making or creating jobs for themselves…

Apparently it touched a nerve in our listening community. We got a lot of feedback here on the topic, most agreeing that we have to be more proactive and creative in our thinking to keep income coming in the doors these days…

Well, I read an article in The Root last week that focused on one of the side effects of the current lack of jobs in this country, namely how many adults are now living back at home with their parents…

That’s right, Jay, the nest ain’t empty no more… the U.S. Census Bureau recently revealed that 5.9 million Americans between the ages of 25 and 34, or 14.2%, are living with their parents… a 26% increase since 2007…

On top of that, a good number of these folks are college graduates…

So grown folks living at home with Mom and Dad is a reality… Let’s think about that for a minute… What are the implications? And what does it say about the state of our society?

Well, first off–and the article mentions this–it certainly doesn’t do much for the self-esteem of those trying to make their way in the world…and get AWAY from their parents.

A number of these young adults battle with the psychological effects that can accompany that kind of setback, such as depression and thoughts of being “a failure”…

Of course, I’m not referring to those professional moochers who are not trying at all to leave the free room and board mommy and daddy provide… that’s a whole ‘nother commentary…

There’s also the dilemma for parents regarding the fine line they navigate between being welcoming and encouraging versus instilling discipline and independence…

While you certainly want to keep your returning house mates motivated about making their own way, you probably don’t want to keep bringing up their lack of independence, since it can greatly add to their stress and make the arrangements more difficult for everyone…

But that doesn’t mean that you don’t clarify a process that can work for all involved… For example, some parents have their adult children pay a minimal amount of rent to establish boundaries and let them know this is not a “free ride…”

Some may set a time limit on the living arrangement, and if necessary, even set an extension period… Others may keep strict rules that keep their adult children eager to establish their independence, like no freaky stuff allowed with their significant others while under their parents’ roof…

…for some reason that one usually works pretty well as a motivator…

Whatever the case, the idea is to clearly establish a process that let’s your grown children know they can’t take advantage of your hospitality, but that they are welcome during their transition…

…and most of all, talk to and encourage your children during these difficult economic times we are in… They really need to know that you are not against them when it sometimes may seem that the whole world is…

…and to tell you the truth, when it comes to the state of our society these days, there are many that believe that it is failing our youth rather than the other way around…

You can text us here at the TJMS if you want to comment on this issue of your grown children returning home to live with their parents… In the meantime, I’ll leave you with this amusing quote on the subject of  parents and children:

“Listening to parents’ advice is sort of like watching commercials. You know what’s coming, you’ve heard it all before, it’s a big bore, but you listen anyway.”

Until Next Time, this is Stephanie in Love and Hope.

admin Children, Parenting census, economy