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Good Morning TJMS Family.

Well folks, we’re coming up on Black family reunion time.  There’ll be a lot of families getting together to celebrate reunions…

This is all good, but we have to face the sad fact that when it comes to one of the most important foundations of family life – marriage – the numbers aren’t looking too promising.

The 2009 census showed that 42 percent of black adults reaching their 40s had never married as compared to 23.6 percent of whites… It also showed that African Americans divorce more and have more children out of wedlock…

Now, of course, there are a number of complex reasons behind these stats: the legacy of slavery, black male incarceration, high unemployment, and the list goes on….

But I want to talk about something that is often overlooked when it comes to relationships and marriage…

And that is the individual… yep, you heard me right, even though the idea of the individual seems to contradict the idea of marriage and family…

It doesn’t … I’d argue it could even be one of the most important elements in a relationship…

You see, in marriage we assume important roles… that of wife, husband, mother, father, provider…

But, even with these assumed roles, each of us is still an individual who deserves to enjoy life, set and accomplish goals, and fulfill our dreams…

Think about it: How many times have you heard of marriages or relationships failing because one person feels ‘stifled’ by the other, or are forced to put their goals or dreams “on the shelf” because of the roles they now play…?

My point is this: healthy individuals help produce healthy relationships; healthy relationships produce healthy marriages; and healthy marriages produce healthy families…

If we want to have strong relationships, we have to work on ourselves and become the best individuals we can be… Then we can fully appreciate and more clearly recognize other healthy individuals…

And even if we are already married or in a relationship, we need to spend each day growing spiritually and engaging life in ways that make us happy…

Or, to put it another way, if we want good, solid relationships, both individuals need to be happy and fulfilled…

A wedding should not be the end of one’s growth; it represents a new opportunity for our growth within a committed and loving relationship where both people are growing, learning and maturing…

For as they say, when it comes to relationships, “We can grow together, or grow apart.”

Until Next Time, this is Stephanie in Love and Hope and this is TJMS at its Best.

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